College Essay Final Draft

College Essay Final Draft

UC Berkeley

PROMPT #1: Describe the world you come from—for example, your family, community or school—and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

The world that I lived in for a very long time was very self centered and indolent.  Everyone around me would be taking time out of their schedules just to help me with incidental problems.  It really seemed as if the world revolved around me.  However, all of this changed during the 8th grade when I got hit by a brick wall.  That experience changed me in many ways for the better.  Not only did I learn to be more accountable for my actions, but I also realized what I could truly accomplish if I just focused and put my mind to something.  Still, this is not the only thing that helped shape me into the person that I am today.  There is my family, school, friends, etc.  which have helped me to realize that it is never too late to change.

Family means everything to me.  Ever since I was a young boy, I learned to respect and care for my family because they are the ones that get you through thick and thin.  My family pushes me into unlocking my hidden potential.  I remember when I was in elementary school and I would never want to do my homework.  My grandma would sit with me for hours trying to calm me down and keep me focused.  She sacrificed so much of her time to try and steer me in the right path.  I remember all those times I had to write essays for class, she would sit with me for a minimum of three hours teaching me sentence structures and vocabulary.  Looking back at it now, I caused her a lot of meaningless stress but she never gave up on me and that helped me to believe in myself.  My parents, they do so so much for me and I can’t stress that enough, but I think that their lectures have made the biggest impact.  When I quit the judo team, my dad sat me down asking me what was the reason for me quitting.   When I explained to him that I just didn’t like the sport, he said that he didn’t have a problem with me not liking the sport (even though he was the whole reason that I joined) he told me that you never quit halfway.  Other than that they just help me with everything especially when it comes to responsibility.  They gave me a ton of chores and different tasks to do when I was younger helping me to become more independent.  These life lessons have been instilled in me and help me today with the current things that I am in like paddling and high school because no matter how hard the challenge, you never back down.

Friends are like the sun on a rainy day.  Cheering me up by making me laugh.  They’re the ones who got your back and can have meaningless conversations with.  Throughout middle school I didn’t like a few of my teachers, so some days I would just mope and groan to my parents that I didn’t want to go to school, but on the contrary I still wanted to see my friends so I would end up changing my mind anyways.  When it came to sports, it was always a competition, especially with them.  I remember one time when we were playing basketball.  I could have sworn that we were out there for at least two hours going back and forth because both teams didn’t want to lose.  One of my friends also helped me to succeed academically because we used to see who could get the better grade and the winner would get bragging rights.  Trust me, I don’t like to lose in anything.  They put me in a very comfortable environment because they would never make any bad decisions like drugs, smoking, or etc. so that helped me to not get into those types of things. If it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t be as upbeat and caring of a person that I am today.  Friends do a lot for you in their own way, but it is their moral support whenever you need it that makes them truly special.

Moanalua is a place of serenity.  I have been going to school in the moanalua district ever since preschool.  There has not been any kind criminal activity in this area as I recall.  Also at every level of schooling, there are security guards walking around or monitoring the campus at all times.  During school, most of the kids are very disciplined however you always have those troublemakers.  The school is not very lenient when it comes to the breaking of rules, depending on what you did, and that’s good because it will help you stay away from those kinds of derogatory actions.  In addition to that, there campus is pretty clean and in the high school they have such things as campus beautification day.  That shows that the school board cares and respects the campus and they want us to too. Where I live, in Moanalua Gardens, all of the neighbors are really kind.  We exchange gifts all the time.  Since the area is so calm, from time to time you just want to take a nice relaxing jog to cool down or relieve stress.  The schools and the area have really opened up my eyes and helped me to find myself as an individual because this is basically my life.  Where I have met all my friends, caring teachers, etc.  Without this place, I don’t know what I would be like.

All of these things have played a factor into the person that I am today.  They have helped me to discover my dreams and aspirations.  My family always helps me with my decision making, especially when it comes to looking for what I want to do in the future.  They discuss with me the details on which jobs have the brightest future as well as the ones that can’t be replaced by machines.  My friends encourage me by telling me that anything is possible, and to set the bar high because who knows what the future holds.  Lastly, the schooling district and area play a big role because all of my teachers have prepared me for that next level and were always there for me when I needed it.  As the world around us is slowly evolving so are we.  My dream is to graduate from college while majoring in the scientific field. Then possibly continuing my schooling and getting a doctor's degree.  After that I want to get married and start a family.  Possibly here in Hawaii but who knows.  As of now the possibilities are endless, and it is up to the decisions that I make that will decide my future, so I, will have to make it happen.

College Essay Rough Draft

College Essay Rough Draft

UC Berkeley

PROMPT #1: Describe the world you come from—for example, your family, community or school—and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

The world that I lived in for a very long time was very self centered and indolent.  Everyone around me would be taking time out of their schedules just to help me with incidental problems.  It really seemed as if the world revolved around me.  However, all of this changed during the 8th grade when I got hit by a brick wall.  That experience changed me in many ways for the better.  Not only did I learn to be more accountable for my actions, but I also realized what I could truly accomplish if I just focused and put my mind to something.  Still, this is not the only thing that helped shape me into the person that I am today.  There is my family, school, friends, etc.  which have helped me to realize that it is never too late to change.

Family means everything to me.  Ever since I was a young boy, I learned to respect and care for my family because they are the ones that get you through thick and thin.  My family pushes me into unlocking my hidden potential.  I remember when I was in elementary school and I would never want to do my homework.  My grandma would sit with me for hours trying to calm me down and keep me focused.  She sacrificed so much of her time to try and steer me in the right path.  I remember all those times I had to write essays for class and grandma would sit with me for a minimum of three hours teaching me sentence structures and vocabulary.  Looking back at it now, I caused her a lot of meaningless stress but she never gave up on me and that helped me to believe in myself.  My parents, they do so so much for me and I can’t stress that enough, but I think that their lectures have made the biggest impact.  When I quit the judo team, my dad sat me down asking me what was reason for me quitting.   When I explained to him that I just didn’t like the sport, he said that he didn’t have a problem with me not liking the sport (even though he was the whole reason that I joined) he told me that you never quit halfway.  Other than that they just help me with everything especially when it comes to responsibility.  They gave me a ton of chores and different tasks to do when I was younger helping me to become more independent.  These life lessons have been instilled in me and help me today with the current things that I am in like paddling and high school because no matter how hard the challenge, you never back down.

Friends are like the sun on a rainy day.  Cheering me up by making me laugh.  They’re the ones who got your back and can have meaningless conversations with.  Throughout middle school I didn’t like a few of my teachers, so some days I would just mope and groan to my parents that I didn’t want to go to school but on the contrary I still wanted to see my friends so I would end up changing my mind anyways.  When it came to sports, it was always a competition, especially with them.  I remember one time when we were playing basketball.  I could have sworn that we were out there for at least two hours going back and forth because both teams didn’t want to lose.  Also, one of my friends helped me to succeed academically because we used to see who could get the better grade and the winner would get bragging rights.  Trust me, I don’t like to lose in anything.  They also put me in a very comfortable environment because they would never make any bad choices like drugs, smoking, or etc. so I guess that helped me to not get into those types of things.  Friends can help you in many ways but it is them just being there for you whenever you need them is what makes them truly special.

Moanalua is a place of serenity.  I have been going to school in the moanalua district ever since preschool.  There has not been any kind criminal activity in this area as I recall.  Also at every level of schooling, there are security guards walking around or monitoring the campus at all times.  During school, most of the kids are very disciplined however you always have those troublemakers.  The school is not very lenient when it comes to the breaking of rules, depending on what you did, and that’s good because it will help you stay away from those kinds of derogatory actions.  In addition to that, there campus is pretty clean and in the high school they have such things as campus beautification day.  That shows that the school board cares and respects the campus and they want us to too. Where I live, in Moanalua Gardens, all of the neighbors are really kind.  We exchange gifts with them all the time.  Since the community is so calm, from time to time you just want to take a nice relaxing jog around the area to cool down or relieve stress.  Since I have been living here for a good amount of years now I can say that this area and schooling district has really helped me to find myself as an individual.

All of these things have played a factor into the person that I am today.  They have helped me to discover my dreams and aspirations.  My family always helps me with my decision making, especially when it comes to looking for what I want to do in the future.  They discuss with me the details on which jobs have the brightest future as well as the ones that can’t be replaced by machines.  My friends encourage me by telling me that anything is possible, and to set the bar high because who knows what the future holds.  Everything is slowly evolving as we are coming of age.  The schooling district and area play a big role because all of my teachers have prepared me for that next level and were always there for me when I needed it.  My dream is to graduate from college while majoring in the scientific field. Then possibly continuing school and getting a doctor's degree.  After that I want to get married and start a family.  Possibly here in Hawaii but who knows.  Right now, the possibilities are endless and it’s up to me and the decisions that I make so, I, have to make it happen.

Paragraph Thing

I was at the coffee shop, picking up a mocha for my wife.  As I was waiting in line, I noticed a man across the street reading his newspaper upside down.  I decided to take a closer look but stopped in my tracks as he was staring right back at me.  He showed no signs of emotion with his emerald eyes, looking into my soul.  Suddenly, I felt a tug on my shoulder and spun around.  So quick that my hand ended up slapping him in the face leaving a read imprint.  It was just the employee telling me that my drink was ready.  When I opened the door to exit I saw that the man had disappeared.  I was so flustered, questions racing around in my head.  Because of this I bolted to my car that was parked a good block over.  I ran like I was being chased by a car, paying no attention to my footing when I suddenly tripped over tree root.  I was airborne, falling face first.  The impact knocked me out.  When I awoke,  I felt the water streaming through my toes and realized that I was on a beach.  My head was throbbing from the earlier incident.  As I slowly got up, holding my forehead,  I saw nothing but sand for miles.  I was dumbfounded.  Breaking into tears not knowing what to do because my wife was the one who did everything.  I was stranded.

It was the last stretch of Kauai's annual 12 mile charity race.  I was in the lead.  No women had ever won this race before. Sweat streamlined down my body like a raging waterfall.  My adrenaline pumping, urging me to go on.  I felt weightless as I was striding that final mile.  Then I saw it.  The finish line.  I couldn't believe my eyes. I had been training my whole life just to win this marathon with all of those years of cross country and track.  It was in my grasp.  Then suddenly I heard faint footsteps behind me.  I started to panic. Thoughts going through my mind like what if this and what if that, but I told myself no.  I had been training too hard for this moment and nothing would stop me, as I remembered a quote that my cross country coach used to tell me, "Make it happen."  I pushed ignoring the excruciating pain that I felt in my left ankle.  I did it.  I was the first women to ever win this marathon.  My name would go down in history.  As I calmed down, I put my arms on my head and started to cry.  Tears of joy.

Coming of Age Poster Draft

Coming of Age Final Draft

How I Survived 8th Grade

There comes a time in someone’s life when they meet an obstacle that seems truly daunting. How they choose to overcome this challenge will eventually shape them into the type of person that they may become.  For me it happened in the 8th grade.  Up to that point, school seemed like kind of a breeze for me.  I was able to comprehend and understand most of the information in my classes and that in turn resulted in me attaining pretty good grades.  However, in hindsight, many of my elementary teachers were pretty laid back in that they didn’t assign as much homework or projects that you think they would, especially trying to prepare us for that next level.  Then, when I reached middle school, things got a whole lot more difficult.  There was a lot more projects, due dates, homework, you name it.  The teachers were constantly assigning new assignments.  That being said, I was still able to pull through while maintaining a solid 3.8 grade point average.  Having accomplished that, I figured that 8th grade wouldn’t seem so challenging and in the beginning I was right.  The first two quarters, I was able to keep up the good grades...the road ahead was looking great.  Then it happened.

Halfway through 8th grade, I just got hit by a brick wall.  I don’t remember the exact date but my whole world turned upside down.  I wasn’t doing my homework, wasn’t paying attention in class, wasn’t studying which resulted in bad test grades, etc.  I didn’t understand what was happening to me.  This built up so much frustration inside that almost every night while I was lying in bed I would start asking myself questions like, “How did this happen” or “Why can’t I focus.”  Then came the worse part.  Since I wasn’t doing my assignments and my parents checked jupiter grades often, they asked me one day, “What are all of these?” “Why are they missing?”“Didn’t you turn these in?” I was so afraid to find out what they might have done if I told them the truth that I was falling behind in school, that I actually lied.  I made up a story about turning all of these assignments in but my teachers just didn’t update it.  My parents believed me since I never lied before and I was such a good student.  So I went along with it but I felt a pang of disgust inside and the guilt that I lied just kept on recurring in my mind.  However, as the days went along I found that lying just became easier and easier.  

Ultimately though, my poor performance started to raise a “red flag” to everyone.  Luckily for me, my teachers were very kind cause they all knew that I was a much better student than what I had been showing.  Most of them would call me in to talk after school and would ask me the typical questions like, “ What’s going on?” or “Why aren’t you turning these in?”  And I simply couldn’t answer them because I myself didn’t know what was going on or why I didn’t have the urge to turn these assignments in.  My parents also realized something wasn’t right and I remember having these long talks with them about why I wasn’t performing as well as before.  Naturally,  since I didn’t have any good answers for them, they assumed that I was just being lazy.  They began to take away my privileges (phone, ipad, watching tv, etc.) in hopes that that would kick start my work habits, but it didn’t.  Oh, it may have worked for a couple of days but eventually everything went back down.  Things came to a head when in math class I ended up missing at least 10 assignments and my dad found out in a conference with my teacher.  Man, I’ve never seen him that mad before…..ever! I thought I was going to be grounded for life but my mom and grandma were convinced that something else had to be physically wrong with me.

They took me to the doctors and it was discovered that I had hyperthyroidism or Graves Disease.  Hypothyroidism is the overactivity of your thyroid gland resulting in a rapid heartbeat and an increased rate of metabolism.  Because of that you have a hard time concentrating since it is like your brain is running a mile in a minute.  All of a sudden everything was starting to make sense to me because a lot of the symptoms were what I was experiencing.  No wonder I was having a such hard time sitting still and felt like my brain was always in a “fog”!  We linked that to my performance in school and as soon as I started to take medication, everything started to come back into focus.  I could concentrate again!  I could finally have a restful night’s sleep!  My study habits came back to normal as well as my grades.  

Learning to live with graves disease has helped me to re evaluate how I approach my study habits.  Even though the disease played a huge role in my academic performance, I still knew that some of it was out of laziness and in the end I used it partly as a cover up.  Knowing what it felt like to get lectured for hours, or having parent teacher conferences weekly was just embarrassing.  Sometimes it even got to the point where I wanted to throw up because of the situation that I had put myself in.  My parents and teachers all stressed to me that if they didn’t see that potential they wouldn’t have come down so hard on me, but they knew that I wasn’t living up to it both as a student and an individual.  As of now, living with the disease hasn’t affected me much because I know how it is on the other side, and I don’t want to let all of the people that have fought for or believed in me down...especially myself.

Coming of Age Rough Draft

How I Survived 8th Grade

My coming of age moment happened when I was in the 8th grade.  Up to that point, school seemed like kind of a breeze for me.  I was able to comprehend and understand most of the information in my classes and that in turn resulted in me attaining pretty good grades.  However, in hindsight, many of my elementary teachers were pretty laid back in that they didn’t assign as much homework or projects that you think they would, especially trying to prepare us for that next level.  Then, when I reached middle school, things got a whole lot more difficult.  There was so much more projects, due dates, homework, you name it.  The teachers were constantly assigning new assignments.  That being said, I was still able to pull through while maintaining a solid 3.8 grade point average.  Having accomplished that, I figured that 8th grade wouldn’t seem so challenging and in the beginning I was right.  The first two quarters, I was able to keep up the good grades...the road ahead was looking great.  Then it happened.

Halfway through 8th grade, I just got hit by a brick wall.  I don’t remember the exact date but my whole world turned upside down.  I wasn’t doing my homework, wasn’t paying attention in class, wasn’t studying which resulted in bad test grades, etc.  I didn’t understand what was happening to me.  This built up so much frustration inside that almost every night while I was lying in bed I would start asking myself questions like, “How did this happen” or “Why can’t I focus.”  Then came the worse part.  Since I wasn’t doing my assignments and my parents checked jupiter grades often, they asked me one day, “What are all of these?” “Why are they missing?”“Didn’t you turn these in?” I was so afraid to find out what they might have done if I told them the truth that I was falling behind in school, that I actually lied.  I made up a story about turning all of these assignments in but my teachers just didn’t update it.  My parents believed me since I never lied before and I was such a good student.  So I went along with it but I felt a pang of disgust inside and the guilt that I lied just kept on recurring in my mind.  However, as the days went along I found that lying just became easier and easier.  

Ultimately though, my poor performance started to raise a “red flag” to everyone.  Luckily for me, my teachers were very kind cause they all knew that I was a much better student than what I had been showing.  Most of them would call me in to talk after school and would ask me the typical questions like, “ What’s going on?” or “Why aren’t you turning these in?”  And I simply couldn’t answer them because I myself didn’t know what was going on or why I didn’t have the urge to turn these assignments in.  My parents also realized something wasn’t right and I remember having these long talks with them about why I wasn’t performing as well as before.  Naturally,  since I didn’t have any good answers for them, they assumed that I was just being lazy.  They began to take away my privileges (phone, ipad, watching tv, etc.) in hopes that that would kick start my work habits, but it didn’t.  Oh, it may have worked for a couple of days but eventually everything went back down.  Things came to a head when in math class I ended up missing at least 10 assignments and my dad found out in a conference with my teacher.  Man, I’ve never seen him that mad before…..ever! I thought I was going to be grounded for life but my mom and grandma were convinced that something else had to be physically wrong with me.

They took me to the doctors and it was discovered that I had hyperthyroidism or Graves Disease.  Hypothyroidism is the overactivity of your thyroid gland resulting in a rapid heartbeat and an increased rate of metabolism.  Because of that you have a hard time concentrating since it is like your brain is running a mile in a minute.  All of a sudden everything was starting to make sense to me because a lot of the symptoms were what I was experiencing.  No wonder I was having a such hard time sitting still and felt like my brain was always in a “fog”!  We linked that to my performance in school and as soon as I started to take medication, everything started started to come back into focus.  I could concentrate again!  I could finally have a restful night’s sleep!  My study habits came back to normal as well as my grades.  

Throughout all of this the main lesson that I learned was not to lie no matter how bad the situation.  My parents and teachers all stressed to me that if they didn’t see that potential they wouldn’t have come down so hard on me, but they knew that I wasn’t living up to it both as a student and an individual.  Just knowing that they had this much belief in me made me feel motivated to never let that kind of thing happen again.  I guess till this day, that is why I have been trying my hardest in everything that I do because in the back of my mind I don’t want to let all of the people that have fought for or believed in me down.  

Community Graphic

Graphic Card Final

Graphic Card